That bright and golden red Autumn day was not the first time I had seen her there and I knew it would not be the last. I knew that she would not stop coming until she herself was no longer in this world. Seeing her always struck a sad, poignant note within me. She was the beneficary of a long, rich, full and exciting life in many of the townspeople's opinions but watching her there, at the cemetery, so many times, I had to wonder if they really knew what her life had been like. The first time she had come, she was much younger. She had arrived in a flashy, red convertible, big, shiny with a ton of chrome on it. She had come alone since she was able to drive herself then. When she climbed out of the car and started down the walk, she was dressed in an elegant black dressed that molded to her slender figure as it were part of her body instead of an apparel to cover it. She had worn a wide brimmed black hat with a veil covering her face and her neatly coiffured hair. But as she drew closer to the first of the graves, she raised the veil so I could see her face. She was a beautiful woman with classic features, a pert nose, high cheekbones, a wide brow and tiny chin. Her eyes were often said to haunt men's minds. They were large, elliptical and lavender. Very few people in this world had lavender eyes, that strange mixture of hazel and deep blue that produced the lavender color. Yet, on this time, those lovely eyes were swollen and red-rimmed and her face drawn and pale. She stopped at the first grave and stood quietly, staring down at it. I could almost sense the pain emananting from her. I saw then that she carried two roses in her left black gloved hand, one rose white and one rose red. With her right hand, she took the white rose and laid it with the upmost tenderness on the grave. Then with a sigh, so loud and so heavy that I could hear from that distance, she turned from the grave and followed the concrete walk across that section of the cemetery and into the second. She finally came to stop by a single grave, a new grave, marked by a large marble statue of an angel, with outspread wings, at its head. It was far different from the tiny headstone at the first and older grave. As she knelt on the still broken muddy ground by the freshly turned dirt on the grave, she was unmindful of her expensive, elegant silk stockings and black paten leather pumps. She only had eyes for the grave upon which she laid the single red rose at the base of the statue. She then began to weep softly but I could see from the shudders of her shoulders that the sobs were coming deep from within her. She only stayed for a short while and then she left. I did not see her for quite awhile after that, but the next week after her visit, some men came and brought something large and heavy for the older grave. I watched with interest as they worked far into the evening of that hot day and when they were done, there had been a great change at that grave. Where the tiny little headstone had once stood, there was now another statue but this one was a little girl holding a tiny baby lamb in her arms. She, too, was made of the expensive ivory marble as was the angel at the second grave. I knew it for what it was...the last devoted touch of a mother's love for the tiny baby girl that lay forever sleeping in that small grave. She had been dead for almost fifteen years now but she was still very special in her mother's heart. That beautiful, well-dressed woman had been her mother. Over the years, the second grave grew a thick coverlet of grass. The little girl statue and the slightly off-centered angel grew pale with nature's dust and rain and were no longer the glistening, gold-streaked marble that had been when they were new. Yet, ever six months or so, the woman would come to see them, always bringing a single white rose for her baby daughter and a single red rose for the man in the second grave, the baby's father. Both parents had outlived the child but now only the mother remained alive. Yet, the man had lived several years after the baby's passing, so why had there not been a second child? Ambition! An ambition so strong that it taken the woman, then just a young wife and the grieving mother, out of this town and into a world where her exquisite sophrano voice had gained her fame and great wealth. Her husband, feeling betrayed and abandoned, had refused to join her when she had achieved reknowned success. Though he had loved her, he had never desired that type of life and had chosen to remain quietly happy in their hometown. He had died in an accident and his death had brought his wife back to that town. She had taken up the task of caring for their daughter's grave as he was no longer able to tend to it as he had so lovingly done over the years and she also kept a faithful, though far-placed attendance to her now deceased husband. As the years advanced, so did the woman's age, until she retired and came home at last herself to live out the rest of her days in the town where she had been born, raised in, met her love, married him, bore their only child, and had left behind to follow a dream that had never remained disquiet within her but cried to be heard. Now, when she came, she no longer drove herself but came in a long sleek limousine, driven by the silent man who had been her driver and bodyguard for many years. She had never known that he secretly loved her but he knew that only one love ruled her heart. So he had taken care of her. She needed that care now as she was old, bent and tired but still elegant and still tragic. At last on another golden-red Autumn day, I saw the grave diggers come to the site of her husband's grave and begin to shovel the ground up next to him. I knew she had gone. This time when she came to the cemetery, she would not leave again but forever sleep in peace by the man she loved beneath the feet of that beautiful angel and in the sight of their daughter's grave with her little girl and lamb. I did not feel sad as I am really but with being a part of Nature and the Earth itself, I knew the story and the end had finally come. Now, I stand guard over all three graves and they are covered in auburn beauty as my leaves of love fall upon them. Who would think that a hundred year oak tree could see, hear, feel and know so much?
Today is my first day of school...Ermz..as usual, the lecturers launch the tutorials on de first day of school...besides this, school is quite fun actualli...At least, it kept my mind occupied...i do not have to think of those stupid stuff...It was fun because i kinda like the project...but erm...the combination was a bit "off"....Massage therapy and tailored suits????? Haha...N how am i going to draw a view of a massage therapy room??? OMG!!!
Other than this, i ate pizza for lunch in school with nam nam, suwei, eileen and yixian...was too full la...So during school today...i collected $$ for peilan's present, den patsy collected for kamini's one and lijin collected $$ for mine...It's onli the first day of school and we're already training to be "loan sharks" haha....As usual, i'm still the siao siao peishan u guys noe lo...laugh here n dere...But i felt empty somehow...haha...IT'S OKIE...DUN WORRY!!! got a few msg from uncle harry lo...haha...my new personal bodyguard...just kiddin...lol...thanks uncle...so nice to me...i'm so touched....-_-" lol...haha...
Then was making ammendments to the pathlight project cos there's a exhibition coming up...After that, we went to orchard to do some findings on the various retail shops...went to paragon, far east (faris...haha) and DFS...Met my cousin and her boyfriend there...*shocked* haha...how sweet is her BF...stayed at Malaysia but still finds time to visit her once in a while...
My frens den told me that it seems that i have cousins everywhere...haha...what to do? my grandma have 17 children...so i have a very big family...hehe...and they're great ppl!!!
Left orchard at about 6 and head to westmall to meet my parents cos my daddy wans to change his phone...so went to the "hello" shop dere...den had dinner...met my friends at work...and finally, went home at 9p.m....
Doing my stuff now...trying to find some images on the project...gonna work..work and work!!!
PS: i will not bother u anymore...i promise...Wish u a very Happy birthday in a few days time...
I got nothing to do so i went friendstering...then, i read this...i tot it was quite meaningful...
i'm who i'm..
i need no one to tell me what to do!
what i need is freedom!
i like the way i am..
that's me.
in any event when i may die..
throw me out to the sea..
i wanna live a life floating in the ocean !
i live in my own world with my own rules
i speak my mind.
in another words..
i'm straight-forward.
a broken heart is just like a mirror that can never be mended to perfection
cos its been filled with scars & painful memory of what you had left for me..
whenever i closed my eyes..
i could see all those promise..
those empty promises..
you gave me your words..
but you never kept them.
'live-die-laugh-cry'
its all the same for me
they''re jus emotions
not worth bothering about anymore..
lovin you was a big mistake right from the start but i didnt want to be rightwhen i saw the look in your eyeswhen you told me all those lies..
i used to think you're special... you're different from others..
but you took away my smile.. my laughter and what you left behind was a broken heart..
my broken heart..
a delusional beginning a perfect misunderstandingan unforgettable ending....
lesson i learned-trust nobody expect yourself-cherish every moment and everybody before it`s too late-never let stupidity & stubborness ruins your life
Was reading Kamini's blog just now and i certainly agree that the SP webby for gems registration is sooooo -_-"
I took half an hour to finish the whole registration...OMG...it realli pissed me off...and what kind of appointment time is it for us to register our gems at 6p.m???? when i finally got to log in the stupid webby, there's onli 4 vacancies left...and it got stuck again for another 10 mins or so... therefore, i called suwei to ask her about the gems registration...Then, i reload the whole damn thing and start all over again...this time...the gems that we initially wanted was all taken...Wow...*clap hands* It's wonderful rite??? Gotta change gems..Okie..so i was on de phone with suwei...then, we decided to choose Know Ur Rights as out gems next sem, then again...it took such a long time to load and 2 vacancies left..*clap hands again* means suwei n i haf to sort of "fight" for the module cos we are registering at the same time and who knows others might be registering at the same time too....N again, it took again another 5++ mins to load...and FINALLY, we got into the same class...phiew...
What a hassle...
Then, just a few minutes ago, i was chatting with lijin...asking him for Tsubasa...since i missed quite a number of epi as i was realli busy...
We are not chatting much cos he got something more "important" to do...which was to play his game...Wow...how impt it was...haha...aniway, the content of our conversation was something about BGR...
but before that, he said that i was ver high..asking if anything happened to me??? I replied, "I was never normal rite? I'm always siao...i was born like this..."
He said my standard was too high...but i tot i did not realli set a standard for this and why does it seem that many of my frens said so?? Then, lijin said that i'm realli fierce so, whoever that i like might not realli suit me...it must be someone who like me first...haha...Aniway, i was telling him that i no longer give a damn to this cos it is tiring..
Nothing realli bothers me much now...
Sch is finally starting soon...Yeah!!!
I'm fine...i'm realli fine..
Thanks for all ur concern...haha...so long never visit my blog and i have so many msg on the tagboard...thankie...And thanks for Edmund..sending me a msg to ask me not to cry n take care...-_-"" thanks la...
Been working for 4 continuous day at suntec, causeway point, westmall and suntec again...finally got a chance to rest...i'm soooo tired...sales been so bad for the past few days...Haiz....My nose is blocking again...Shucks..Listening to my bao bei mp4 everyday at work..playing games in my phone till it went dead...doing some craft at work...COS I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO....
Met Edmund and Sabrina at work that day..as usual...got "SUAN" by edmund lo...i'm used to it liao...But it was quite fun la...entertain my day at work...Den, uncle Harry came to buy me dinner...his driving lesson was cocked up..haha....Gambatte yo! U can do it de la..though i'm smarter den u...hahaha....den met my cousin n went home together....Was with my friend on saturday cos he accompanied me to work, then, i met Tian yih and Yichun...haha...den Harry came and entertain me again...Thanks! Went home together with Tian yih when we both knock off....Sunday was a betta day cos i was working at westmall and the know the people betta dere...Yesterday was horrible, not to mention the sales...I was bored...but i met my brother...haha...Yang Jia Feng, with her girl...dun haf to buy me christmas present liao...haha...then i realised that time really flies..It's been a year since i last met him at my workplace...
Gonna work at causeway point on friday and saturday this week...full shift again...Wish me luck..
My life is back to what it is a few months ago...i made a decision, i think i'm right..i noe my friends will support me...but i just can't help crying...i'm breaking down...i know i have to get over with this by myself...no one can help me...IT IS JUST SOMETHING I CAN'T SAY...i couldn't tell my family..i dun wish to tell anyone either..cos their advice dun work...it doesn't work on me...so save it..dun bother advising me...
I'm just an utter loser after battling it for about 2 years..It's been a long time since i felt so lost..this is a battle that i've lost entirely for my 18yrs of life...i've admitted defeat..cos i know i will breakdown even further if i hang on..thus i decided to let go...i spent 2 days thinking...and i choose to face it..not avoiding anymore...I JUST CANNOT TAKE IT!
For my friends who's reading this...please dun ask me what happen, i know u guys are concern about me...i'll talk when i feel it is the right time to talk..right now, just dun bother too much about me...i dun want to vent my fustration on you...leave me alone...i'll be fine..thats what i hope so...Thanks for your concern and understanding...
Hey peeps...stop assuming that i'm strong, i was never a strong-willed girl, I WAS NEVER. i am a irritating person who gets hurt easily, i love to cry...i'm always like this. U never once know me..u can never understand what's got into me...NEVER!
I'm not gonna write anymore...
PS: dun have to apologise..it is not your fault, it is my decision...I've expected this...Hope your life would've been better...
It's been awhile since my last post..so i'm gonna post something today since i'm free....
Worked on saturday n sunday...full shift at suntec..gonna lose my nose liao la...keep sneezing n all those shit...the cart beside me is BioSense..selling those aroma-therapy stuff...den the shop in front of our cart is Body Shop...gonna die from all these rojak smell...i've always been sensitive to these type of things...to me..i find dat any perfume is shit to me..so i was never into perfumes and aroma-therapy stuff...cos my nose just can't stand it...so i think i will request to work at other outlets...SHIT!! I'M SNEEZING AGAIN!
Was working on saturday and i met 2 very cute guy...haha...one asked for my number...my reply was "sorry, i'm married", showing him my ring on de wedding finger...haha...his fren is very chatty...since i'm bored...i entertain him too lo...he asked me why i'm married at such age...i told him i'm 24 lo...he believed la...cos i look old...i admit ok...den he ask many other stupid questions la...haha....
Met my primary school fren on sunday...haha...he's my long lost brother....cos his surname is de same as mine...haha...my ah gor very cute de leh....ears get red very easily de...haha...6 years nvr c him...but i think we din change much also....so i came out with this idea of having a class gathering...but i was worried that not many people will be interested in going...he told me not to worry..cos he'll be de first to volunteer to go..haha....ask another primary school friend..she said she'll go too...haha...i din noe that my primary school peers are so enthu in such gatherings..afterall, we've not met for years....
Went to sakae with suwei, namngee and yixian today...a little pathetic la...cos onli the four of us...but we're freaks la..wierdos...WE ATE 65 PLATES OF SUSHIs....hahaha....siao rite....i think the waiter n waitress dere scared of us...n we wanted to take pictures of the plates...so we din wan them to collect the finished plates...we're siao....Sakae is going to close down if we stayed longer...just jokin la...we can't eat anymore also...dying liao...haha...but so sian...not many people go...den din do much also...not gonna have sushi for quite some time liao...i'm sick of it...i'm not very into japanese foodie also la...haha...
Will end here...will update if i have de time...i'm tired...gonna cut my nose off soon...take care guys..
I'm back...
Reached home at 6.15p.m today...den went to sleep after my bath...so shiok...was so hot n humid at my grandma's place....but was fun though...bought a new wallet...hehe...den a I.D magazine...played mahjong...won some $$$..but not much la..but i always very unlucky in playing mahjong de ma...hmm..shd say i dun play very well la...i am retarded...yes i am...
I'm still tired...feel so sian...i dunno y...feel like sleeping 24/7...i'm a pig....
Going to party world with my sec schoolmates tomorrow, town on wednesday, movie on thurs, friday's not planned yet...working from saturday onwards......wow...packed schedule....lol...
Kids do grow fast...the last time i went back to malaysia, the kids there are still small...now, they can run and speak...they are soooo cute....haha...but the life there is not realli very enjoyable if u stay for too long...it is quite boring actualli. In order to get to a place where there's shopping centres, u have to drive a certain distance...then..besides eating and sleeping, basically u do nothing else...though this is the life i always wanted to lead when i'm in singapore...but i dun seem to enjoy it that much when i'm there...But..the foodie there is nice...better then the food here la...always have supper everynight...mahjong session...vcd session...haha....
Gonna end here...nothing much to crap...buaix
It's finally Over!!!
haha...we din win...disappointed but excited...what's this feeling ya? haha..disappointed cos after spending so much effort in the project...we din win...but our stuff are good la...IT'S REALLI GOOD! i'm not bragging...it's just that i think it's realli good...i'm sure the rest of the team thinks the same as well....Excited cos we can finalli enjoy our holidays...The 2 final winners are NAFA & LASALLE...it's is somehow expected la..theirs is not bad after all....so i dun have much comments on them winning...
BUT...something very paiseh happen today la....when i was using my bao bei lappy to show the slides on the projector screen..the lady from ICDS or IDCS(not sure la) came to help me with my stuff...but she made it worse instead...she pressed Ctrl + f4 key...the whole lappy keeps going to standby mode...she panicked n she shuts down my PC... i shd say..SHE JUST PRESSED THE POWER BUTTON LA...den the whole thing..GONE! lol..switched off...eh...does she have any idea what she is doing??? de best part is...i have to reboot my com..den my com usualli have this msn window popping up whenever i start my lappy... den my picture appear...OMG!!! so everyone sees my picture...Just within seconds, i'm famous...everyone's laughing away...Faris was saying "NO!!!" and he looked away..haha...i dun wan it to happen...but no choice la...i tried closing the window..but it took a long time to close....it's just not within my control la....
Then during the presentation, kamini hands trembled...haha...the laser pointer is moving, it just can't focus in a area..haha...n i'm not better in any way la...my hand's trembling too la...i couldn't control the panorama view properly, it keeps getting stuck at a place n move...n stuck again...haha....Charis is reading the word panorama as "para??" haha...so i keep on lp reading the correct word...haha....Terrrence keep saying "so called" haha....our presentation rawks...haha....but they like it...wow..they like the unexpected stuff....they like out ceiling design..which we dun think is good...they like our presentation...which we think we screw it up...haha....but overall, i think they quite like our stuff la...just dat it is not realli practical cos it is circular, as compared to the square designs..the circular design are less practical la...and we din mention the cost of the project...which is important...nvm...it is over....
Erm...left this blog open for 15 to 20 mins...went out for a while...and i'm more happi when i come back...haha...not gonna go into details...not gonna even say what happen...just guess...haha...dun bother to ask me...so...dun bother...i'm just writing this becos i feel like writing it...haha...ok...it's my blog...so i'm not gonna care...
Yeah! i can enjoy my holidays...going to malaysia tomorrow...finalli...haha...ok..i shall go and pack my stuff...take care guys...
Just like to write something before i go to bed....
This is the first time staying in school till so late besides camping...I left the school at about 11p.m plus la...IT IS 11P.M!!! OMG...the school is freaking dark n quite at the hour la...most of the gates are locked..so jonathan has to send me n terrence to the dover station...den we took trains home..His car is cute..haha....spacious...hehe....Finally finish the stuff..erm...i think it is finished la...at least for now...so tomorrow is the presentation and we have to be there by 8.30a.m...meeting at mac at Taka...I tot..Taka got mac one meh???? i too sotong la..i live in stone age...ok..i quite anti town la...then...charis too, wondered..where is it...then terrence too...haha...so i'm basicalli meeting kamini and terrence at orchard control station tomorrow at 8.15a.m.
Back to the topic....charis and jackie left at about 5 or 6 plus...den kamini at 9 plus...so..terrence n i helped out with the rest of de stuff la..plans, sections and bla bla bla...printed the panels in school n have them mounted...erm...turns out pretty well...not too bad...
The design of the classroom is a lil like my previous project on radial interaction....haha...i quite like the design of the room...i will try to upload some images on de 3d rendering of the room in my next update...then u guys can comment...though it might be a lil too late to give comments since tomorrow is the presentation....
It is actualli quite funny that WE DUN REALLY HOPE TO WIN....haha...cos it'll mean that our holidays will be gone la...my boss just called today to ask me to work next week...so if we win..i wun be able to work la...means no income as well...I want to win because i want the money..though it is not that much..it is also something to be proud of if we win la..cos we did help out...haha...but i dun wan to win cos i seriousli dun wanna waste me holis...remember..i wanna rest....and jonathan is like giving up alreadi..haha...it's tiring la...tedious work to be done....
Luckily i dun get to c the security dogs which will be around de school area after 10p.m. I will just scream..i'm just too afraid of dogs....So, i din get to c any,nor hear any barkings...phew...haha...
I'm going to sleep now...gotta wake up early tomorrow....c ya...
Pathlight sucks....gotta map the materials in by today...i'm tired...i wanna sleep...
Well..it seems like we aren't doing much...the lecturers are the one doing most of the job..n we're just helping out...shouldn't it be the other way round? No comments la...i just want it to end quickly...i'm currently waiting for the rest to get online so i can proceed with the work...then jonathan can send me the model and i can continue working on it....Fast!!Fast!! i wanna rest...Nothing much to do at the moment cos i dunno what else to do unless i have the stuff..
Was looking for models of chairs...then edit here n there..so it becomes a brand new design...haha...i'm cheating....who cares...i just can't model it nicely la..i've tried...i took sooooo long to model one..n it sucks...it does not look like a comfortable chair...i dun wan that...so no choice la....
Jonathan was teaching watever mapping today...can't remember wat is dat...aniway i think he is quite pek chek also la...i have to admit i've slow n retarded when it comes to learning...I'm born like dis la...wat to do? so i apologise to those who suffer from fatal internal injuries teaching me...I ADMIT I'M SLOW!
Joke of the day is...Faris said that maybe he should have a design brief like the Pathlight brief...den Terrence point his middle finger at him...ALL OF US SAW!!! haha...Faris din get offended la...haha...Terrence has problem understanding la...and he got B3 for his english...haha...kiddin ya..no offence...he mistook Faris for saying that we should do the pathlight project instead of the retail space project...LOL..haha....It is not that funny afterall la..i'm just being lame...
It is already 10.20p.m and no one send me the stuff.....so how am i suppose to continue with it...I wanna sleep...i've said this for times...I'M REALLI TIRED LA....it is holidays...i shd be enjoying...everyone else should be enjoying...
I will end for today...gonna wait...wait...and WAIT!!!
Haix....gotta bring my bao bei lappy on friday...so heavy...sian...
haha...i'm so unhappy with her la...lol...she's so full of herself....sian la....go to a corner n get urself stuck dere..we dun like u...go away....GET LOST!!!
The pathlight project is going to drive me crazy....so many things to do in such lil time...haiz...
Reached school the first today...stayed in school till 5p.m....i just can't wait to finish this project la...I'm sick of coming to school everyday during holidays...i'm supposed to enjoy my holis in malaysia...even if i'm not going back...i should be spending my time working...i need my income...i'm broke....
NamNgee, Sherrie n Suwei came all the way to school to have lunch...haha...had pizza today...i'm so full...i'm still full...so i din eat much for dinner....
i'm so sian...i dun wanna work on the project..i just wanna relax...i'm too stress...i need a break....
Hehe..i'm beginning to like my life a lil...hahaha....
Just finish my 3 plans..just whack something out of it lo....
Got home some hours ago..tired...but i'm happi..haha....
I love my mp3..i love my tv...i love my lappy...i love bla bla bla....hahaha...
By the way...the guy who's trying to do watever things la...just forget it...cos i wun like u no matter wat u do...u are just not my type...lo...sorri..but i'm just sooooooo not interested in u....